I am prompted to publish this after meeting a man suffering from prostate cancer. I hiked with friend Nancy Fawcett and neighbors, Jackie, Shirley and Jeanette today. Another neighbor Gary (Saskatchewan plate) drove with me to pick up his cousin Barry at Mesa Regal RV Park. In the course of conversation Gary told me he'd gotten 32 rounds of radiation even AFTER having his prostate removed. After prostate removal is like saying he gave up his erection but he still could die of prostate cancer.
He could get a penile pump to please his wife like they show in the video that urologists show to sell penile pumps. The men in the penile pump video say, "A Man's got to do what a man's got to do'". They are just glad to be back in the saddle again and banging a woman.
Penile pumps are entirely covered under Medicare. Three Viagra cost $108 at the local grocery store's pharmacy. Meanwhile 4 Viagra cost $5.99 at the Purple Pharmacy in Los Algodones across the border in Yuma. This year the price fell to $1. Meanwhile the US trade deficit with Mexico is approaching a trillion dollars. My mother and 2 close friends vote for Hillary Clinton and I feel enraged/incensed.
Lupron injections for 2 entire years essentially means chemical castration, male menopause including hot flashes. Contrast Gary with Mike who got Lupron for 6 months (not 2 years). Mike has a prostate and his PSA is less than .1.
Before meeting me Gary had never heard a word about dairy causing harm. He continues to drink 3 glasses of milk everyday. He worries that he still has prostate cancer. He still drinks milk. Casein the protein in dairy products causes cancer especially breast and prostate cancer. Gary waits/worries for next check up.
When I got my bicycle I said, "Hello" to Gary's wife who I guess was smoking away her frustrations. I am so grateful that I am not limited to intimacy with a cigarette. Why didn't Gary turn into a fat eunuch? Mike would have. Gary and his wife are attractive and immaculate from what I observed.
Albertan friends Rob and Jane (not real names) have no sex after his prostate cancer. She told me that it is better than being dead. He gets stoned and pleasures himself. She said he says that it is better than being dead. We discussed sex when they asked us for marijuana since Canadians cannot get medical marijuana cards. When I told Jane we followed a different treatment option she asked Rob why he didn't keep his prostate and try radiation and Lupron (testosterone-killing chemotherapy). He didn't have an answer. "If only I knew then what I know now" is a common cancer sentiment. Good wife loves husband and enjoys the nice family that they raised. Bet he didn't get a penile pump. Bet he doesn't cuddle Karen much either. The importance of her glass of wine in the evening grows.
The prostate is located in between the bladder and the rectum with the urethra running urine through the prostate. Apparently urologists are all too ready to cut out the prostate and Rob was no exception. How common are defunct love lives among the baby boomers?
To add insult to injury typically incontinence follows prostatectomy. Mike's mother said that all the Thelen men (Mike's grandfather and 8 sons) experienced a year or more of incontinence after the surgery. Dignity for an old man who's wet himself or wears diapers? Hah.
In contrast we still have a functional and joyous sex life. Mike has a prostate, potency and testosterone and enjoys sex even if he says orgasm is a shadow of its former intensity. No wonder he wants gusto in his food. Coffee and nicotine gum are his indulgences along with a marijuana cookie in the evening.
Since coffee and nicotine gum depress his good cholesterol and stiffen his blood vessels Mike got a cardio exam and met a doctor at the nearby Santan Cardiovascular Clinic. His cholesterol is 170 which is moderate risk. Results of cardio test were normal.
I sent the clinic's seriously overweight general practitioner Dr. Copeland a copy of "Forks over Knives". I hope she makes her own changes to diet like Dr. Varughese in Lansing. I am proud to explain how we benefitted from the Gold Canyon Journey to Healthy Eating group. It saved us in more ways than one.
Backstory on how we arrived in Gold Canyon.
When we crossed into Arizona coming down from Mesa Verde we stopped at the Arizona Welcome Station. I analyzed their list of RV parks like it was a parts list/BOM Sign-off for General Motors. I chose Gold Canyon because of location's proximity to major airport, size, competitive price, pool room and golf. When Mike said a few times to others that I was so intelligent for selecting Gold Canyon I thought he was sucking up/being manipulative because truly he had fallen in love with Gold Canyon. He loves everything about it. Mike worried that we wouldn't get a space so I booked sight unseen in August. Mike worried about the pool tables. He said that if they were bar box tables, he would cry. One look at the impressively large and spacious clubhouse with a large heated pool surrounded the 40 palm trees was reassuring. Mike worry turned into confidence. Because pool players leave the park to compete against other RV parks every other Friday Mike observed other parks and found no park nicer.
Mike feared that I would reject Gold Canyon and take it from him. He did not want to lose it. He was wholeheartedly welcomed as a pool player. He felt needed and comfortable in the pool room. He enjoyed feeling the male comradery that he'd enjoyed in the army and in GM and now in pool halls as a retiree.
I held back determined not to care about Gold Canyon RV and Golf. I expected to winter in different parks every year. Wouldn't we visit New Mexico, then the gulf in Texas, perhaps New Orleans and Florida and back to southern California and even Mexico. What do I know about staying in one place?
Mike's parents wintered in a park model in Holiday Travel Park in Englewood, Fl. for 30+ years. His mother said how natural and typical it is to fall in love with one's retirement park and feel that they are the best people in the whole world.
They also said that in order to fit in we needed to go to church. They ambushed me one day and said that since we had not been married in church that Mike would go to hell. I regret causing them pain and worry, I thought announcing our civil union in the Lansing State Journal would be good enough.
When we arrived in Gold Canyon RV and Golf Resort in mid-October 2012 I read the list of activities on the board and wondered where to go to make friends. I also wondered where not to go. I would not make close and trusted friends easily at wine tastings or Bible Study. Book group and storytelling were held in the daytime. I prefer to be outdoors during the day. The storyteller told a tasteless joke about how it was OK to shoot a politician. I still couldn't look at former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords without crying. I was anxious.
Not only was I afraid of meeting new people in Gold Canyon. I was afraid that the Democrats would loose the 2012 election. Perhaps fear is part on rootless traveling retirement life style. I spent October afternoons making calls to voters for congressional candidates. Wi-Fi is on our smart phones. (Now the park includes Dish for RVs.) In order to make computer-dialed calls I violated my own privacy by connecting my phone to my laptop. Sitting in the clubhouse for 2 hour shifts near the park's walk-up jigsaw puzzle. A person or 2 might work on the puzzle and overhear me reminding voter after voter that the election was coming. Please vote! When and where to vote and of course I'd name the Democratic candidate. I told one regular jig saw puzzler what I was doing and he said that if I called him, he'd hang up. And I got a lot of hang ups. Later he came over and asked me how I was doing. He looked worried that the Dems might loose. A loud and talkative Republican lady sat in the hot tub and scared me when I swam laps. When I finally spoke with her she actually said that it is a privilege that opposing views like mine are tolerated in the US. What if she was typical? The park is half Canadian and they don't follow our politics closely since they cannot vote. Then I met a man from Canada, Kim Smith (not to be confused with GM manager female Kim Smith) who was an unabashed liberal and an author. The world would balance out, I figured.
Mike and I tried pinochle on Tuesday nights for a season and then quit it for TV. We discovered TV sitcom "Big Bang Theory" and preferred laughing over Sheldon to playing cards. I had to learn pinochole, didn't play fast enough. My bids were not accurate. I played with people from cold northern cities, towns and farms. They played cards smartly, the way people who endure long, cold winters without much to say would play. I could feel more shame in random card partner's disappointment in me. Mike tried double-deck pinochle and said that they were sharks. We played pinochle for one season and did not go back.
On the topic of retirement Mike's mother asked me the same question that my first mother-in-law asked when I job hunted. "What can you do? I replied that I would read and write.
My golf was a struggle with scores rarely below 49/50 on a Par 27 - 9 hole course. I attended "Cow Girls" standing tee time for any female golfer at 1 pm. I practiced golf 7 afternoons a week to manage my shame about my poor golf game. After playing between 10-16 games per season in Michigan for 20 years, too. I felt that I was imposing on the good players. I could barely find my golf ball and I lost 2, 3 or even 4 balls per round. Golfer Kathy Eckland would know where her ball and my ball went and she'd remember my shots and know my score better than I did. And she was indefatigably encouraging. She was positive almost always. On putts she'd look me in the eye and say "Concentrate". I improved.
I was afraid to observe them drinking and thereby unintentionally judge my fellow golfers. I do not know many golfers who are democrats. Are golfers typically Republicans? Golfers scare RV Park directors. Spoiled, selfish, demanding, high maintenance women with little or no work experience but connections and determination to get someone fired? Not in Gold Canyon. We just hope not to hit a house with a golf ball.
I was too nervous to go to Kathy Eckland's goodbye party for Bev McGovern. What if they got drunk and seemed foolish or critical? I was stand offish. What if I was only offered meat and cheese and had to reject them? I was not ready to take a stand against SAD (Standard American Diet).
I manifested my anxiety on the grapefruit tree on the lot behind us. In January I pruned it. It wasn't mine to prune but the renter gave me permission to prune it. Then when February turned cold I researched citrus tree pruning. The tree should not be pruned in winter. I obsessed that I had hurt it. Our site was hot in October, 2012 due to morning sun instead of afternoon sun. So Mike said to change to the other side of the street the next year. I was so glad to be away from the grapefruit tree, a vestige of my transition from lifelong gardening, home ownership and work to retirement.
I proceeded to fall in friendship love with Leigh. (What's do you call a girl version of
bromance?) Leigh teaches yoga. Her partner Chuck sets her up with great sound system. During class she plays beautiful music. Our minds fly away to a higher state of consciousness. Leigh demonstrates yoga almost magically. Over 4 years here she's gone from teaching one class to teaching a range of classes, from beginner to advanced to restorative yoga on Sunday night. My mom's favorite pose is legs-up-the-wall on Sunday night. Any other RV park charges $4-6 per person per class.
In addition to yoga Leigh co-lead the Healthy Eating group. After misery of pinochle I wanted a noncompetitive conversational activity. Mike and I marched against Monsanto twice. Opposition to GMOs is what I expected. I thought the group would discuss typical Facebook/media topics about food safety and security such as the importance of organics or bee die-off. I heard vegan and I was tempted to bolt. Maybe vegan was just a suggestion? Yvonne Smith kept on presenting vegan recipes.
The park shows a movie in the club house every month and in Jan. 2013 we watched documentary "Forks over Knives". Afterwards Mike said, "We will eat a lot less meat. We will use meat as a condiment." I went with Leigh and Yvonne to a talk and dinner at a Seventh Day Adventist church in Chandler where Chef Mark Anthony made a wonderful vegan meal using no coil. I never tired of
Leigh describing how after eating vegetarian for 28 years Chuck had a heart attack. The cardiologist said, "Dairy is the worst. Whatever you do, quit dairy first. And no oil."
I cut way back on sautéing with cooking oil. I made Portobello mushrooms in Bragg's Liquid Aminos instead of using soy sauce and cooking oil and brought them to a meeting. I tried sprinkling nutritional yeast on top of spaghetti instead of parmesan cheese. Gradually no more grill use and I did not ask Mike for a seduction meal or to take me out to dinner. Mayonnaise, butter and eggs were not replaced. I lost 10 pounds without any portion control. I didn't even know I was dieting. I was jut eating healthier. I live in an RV without a weight scale. I read The China Study enough to know that portion control is a construct of the Western diet. People like to feel full wherever they are and no matter what they eat. The big pores on my nose withered away. My mother said her new years resolution was not to do anything healthy. She argued her old school nutrition beliefs and thwarted my attendance during January 2013 when she visited. I asked her "What am I supposed to do if you ar half dead? What if you have a stroke and can only look but not move or not speak?" Omi had a stroke, died and was dead for days. She was cremated in the rug he fell on. Badly decomposed and rolled up in her rug. Since then my mother has cut back on animal products and lost 10 pounds herself. She is reading Dr. Greger's
How Not to Die and liking it.
http://www.forksoverknives.com/dont-make-change-too-complicated-instead-just-begin/
http://nutritionfacts.org/
I watched phycologist Doug Lisle TED talk. Refer his book
The Pleasure Trap. The dietary pleasure trap is driven by pleasure seeking, energy conservation and pain avoidance. My goals for staying alive and avoiding pain far surpass my need for pleasure. Happy, sexy and pain-free health are far more important to me than pleasure or energy conservation. Avoiding suffering is my goal. Delay gratification. The delay is pathetic in that the gratification occurs most when other people suffer and we do not. So much so that I made a huge change to our fundamental eating habits. Others look at me like I am wrong and/or scary. Since most North Americans are overweight I seem odd.
In response to needs of her aged mother and the drop in Canadian dollar after 5 winters in Gold Canyon Chuck and Leigh sold their park model and leave March 2016. They may return and rent.
Canadians are selling with urgency. It's a good time for Americans to buy. Canadians may only leave Canada 182 days per year. Their out-of-country insurance costs rise after age 80. They can loose their health insurance in Canada. The US might ban them if they overstay. In 2012 the park was 47%. In 2013 - 52%. Canadian dollar was strong but oil price drop has undercut their dollar by more than 30%.. Canadians are selling,
We leave on February 29 for a month in Rincon West RV park in Tucson
